This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
