we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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