We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
