it's like iHOP with fire
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
