I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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