Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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