How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
