apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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