Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
