Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
