just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
