The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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