do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
