I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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