I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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