I faked an abortion last night.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
