i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
