so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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