he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
