his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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