This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
