Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
