just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
