so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
