oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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