The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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