I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
