help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
