Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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