We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize