I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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