ADVERTISEMENT

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...

  Fav 6 731 3491

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

  Fav 147 2148 5917

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (469): View more from Texas

  is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?

  Fav 23 4259 1108

  share tweet
  

• (254): View more from Texas

  Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced

  Fav 8 4108 699

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?

  Fav 8 4356 1004

  share tweet
  

• (417): View more from Missouri

  you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up

  Fav 14 3611 2021

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (914): View more from New York

  i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

  (1-914): View more from New York

  oh right the one that ends on your bed

  Fav 8 6658 1297

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.

  Fav 22 9982 1395

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"

  Fav 18 2538 1328

  share tweet
  

• (772): View more from Florida

  I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..

  Fav 9 970 2086

  share tweet
  

• (415): View more from California

  Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.

  Fav 1 905 477

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me

  Fav 1 459 579

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.

  Fav 4 921 563

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.

  Fav 2 335 158

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (740): View more from Ohio

  might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top

  Fav 0 40 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize