I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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