Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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