i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
