Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!

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(302): View more from Delaware

some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period

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(740): View more from Ohio

becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.

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(516): View more from New York

I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

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(989): View more from Michigan

you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

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(313): View more from Michigan

Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.

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(815): View more from Illinois

She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?

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(512): View more from Texas

He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small

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