You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I lost the right to judge tonight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
