I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
