I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
