im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
