wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
