I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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