Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
