Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
