I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
