i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
