so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
