a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
