we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
