FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
