i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I pour the whiskey from now on
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
