Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
