So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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