The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I understand Curling. That high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
