I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
