The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
