We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
