Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
