I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
