All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That accounts for only three of the penises
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
