the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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