To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize