ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
