I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
