Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
