I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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